Parashat “Va’yishlach” (Genesis 32:4-36:43)
for the week of November 20th, 2010/13 Kislev, 5771

In this week’s Torah portion, we find Jacob returning home to Canaan after a 20 year absence.  For those of you who have been following the story, you know that Jacob’s 20 year absence was necessitated by the murderous anger of his brother, Esau, after Jacob took both the birthright and blessing of the first-born son from his older twin.  Now returning to meet Esau for the first time in 20 years, Jacob learns that his brother is approaching with 400 men.  Jacob prepares for the worst by dividing his family into two camps so at least some can escape if Esau attacks them.  Jacob also tries to propitiate Esau by sending him many gifts and humble messages of reconciliation.  But what if Esau’s intention’s were peaceful and loving all along?  How might that information change the way we understand the lesson of this story and of Jacob’s actions?

This week’s commentary comes courtesy of my cherished teacher, Rabbi Ebn Leader, who serves on the faculty of Hebrew College and was teaching a group of rabbis as part of a program called Oraita.  While exploring a teaching of the great Hasidic master, Noam Elimelech*, Rabbi Leader pointed out that Rashbam** says Esau’s intentions were positive all along.  According to Rashbam, Esau was approaching Jacob with 400 men in order to welcome his brother back in grand style.  After 20 years, Esau had gotten over the hurts of the lost birthright and blessing, already had forgiven his brother and was prepared to start over and renew their relationship.  Alternatively, my Oraita classmate, Rabbi Jeffrey Wildstein suggested that maybe Esau hadn’t decided yet and was prepared for either contingency (attack or welcome) depending on Jacob’s actions.

Either way, Jacob’s assumptions about Esau’s still murderous intentions towards him would have been off base.  And if either Rashbam or Rabbi Wildstein are correct about Esau, Jacob’s feelings of terror and the resulting preparations (e.g., dividing his family and begging for Divine intervention as described in Genesis 32:8-13) were unnecessary.  In fact, Jacob might have unintentionally precipitated a conflict with Esau by assuming the posture of one who was prepared for battle.  In that case, no matter what Esau’s original intentions were, Esau might have felt it necessary to gird for battle with his brother just to be safe.

For us, the lessons are both clear and valuable.  Far too often, we make all sorts of internal assumptions about people and then act on those assumptions without ever checking if we were “reading” the other people correctly in the first place.  Especially if our assumptions about others grow out of our insecurities, fears, guilt or prejudices, we may not only miss positive opportunities but unwittingly create negative relationships where none needed to exist.  As Rabbi Leader suggested based on a teaching of Noam Elimelech, our struggle, like Jacob’s, may be to wrestle with our capacity for unconditional love and to use it to transform ourselves (and possibly others) in positive ways.  At the very least, we should take care that we are trying to see ourselves and others with open, loving hearts and try to find the courage to check that our assumptions about others are true and real.   Wrestling with ourselves, first, can sometimes prevent us having to fight with others later.

*Noam Elimelech is the master work of the great Chasidic teacher, Rabbi Elimelech of Lezansk (1717-1787).  In Jewish tradition, a teacher is sometimes referred to by the name of his most well-known collection of teachings.

**”Rashbam” is the acronym for Rabbi Shmuel ben Meir (c. 1085 – c. 1158), who was among the leading French Tosafists (an important group of medieval Talmudic scholars and commentators) and was also Rashi’s grandson.